Way back in a cold winter, I remember the way he lit a fag and went up to block the police horse that was closing in on us. Just stood there, smoking, pretending like the yelling officer wasn't there.

It was good to shuffle under the table. There were likes. Hot sperm on the flat of the tongue.

The buzzer rings, she gives me a soft kiss on the lips and goes down to open the door. By the time she has come back up with the man I will be safely in my place in the cupboard by the bed...

I fantasise about a world where...

You get up without breaking the look. It's not my stop and I hesitate for a moment – if I get off here I'll be late meeting my friend. Fuck it, I've been waiting years for this.

The night is busier than I expect, and at first I don’t see you. I scan the room, wanting to find you, wondering if something’s happened and you didn’t make it. Wanting you.