| 13/05/2011 - 19:34 by Anonymous |
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| 13/05/2011 - 19:32 by Anonymous |
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| 13/05/2011 - 19:10 by Anonymous |
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| 13/05/2011 - 19:05 by Anonymous |
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| 13/05/2011 - 18:56 by Anonymous |
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| 13/05/2011 - 18:48 by Anonymous |
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| 13/05/2011 - 18:44 by Anonymous |
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| 13/05/2011 - 18:40 by Anonymous |
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| 13/05/2011 - 18:39 by Anonymous |
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| 13/05/2011 - 18:36 by Anonymous |
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| 13/05/2011 - 18:30 by Anonymous |
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| 13/05/2011 - 18:16 by Anonymous |
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| 13/05/2011 - 17:08 by Anonymous |
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| 13/05/2011 - 09:41 by Anonymous Just a small change |
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| 11/05/2011 - 21:50 by Anonymous |
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| 11/05/2011 - 07:59 by Anonymous Corrected a couple of typos and grammatical errors. Use of pronouns is still confusing & needs sorting out. |
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| 09/05/2011 - 22:22 by Anonymous |
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| 09/05/2011 - 20:27 by Anonymous |
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| 04/05/2011 - 21:18 by Anonymous |
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| 03/05/2011 - 14:53 by Anonymous This is the hard bit, when everyone is gone, what am I supposed to do; just play with myself until someone appears. So, I just decide to do something else on my own. To have different episodes and to suppose I will never do it again. |
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| 02/05/2011 - 00:28 by Anonymous |
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| 28/04/2011 - 21:57 by Anonymous made it simpler, I wonder how hard it is to speak of love and love and coming over for some more, how hard it is to find the words next to each other |
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| 21/04/2011 - 02:16 by Anonymous please remember to mind the pieces of the more acceptable and so it goes in the early morning |
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| 20/04/2011 - 21:51 by Anonymous I like imagining a posthuman that has been created for the pleasure of humans. It brings up ideas of multigenderedness, free will and fucked up filthy sex for me. |
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| 20/04/2011 - 14:15 by Anonymous something about investment, you know, the love kind |
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| 20/04/2011 - 13:38 by Anonymous yes well sometimes you cannot quite say the thing quite right - hell yeah, love you too |
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| 19/04/2011 - 12:51 by Anonymous Yuk. I hate all-caps and shouting, so I took them out. Otherwise, story is unchanged. |
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| 12/04/2011 - 12:26 by Anonymous |
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| 11/04/2011 - 21:05 by Anonymous Changed lots of things, as all those cunts suddenly did not make sense to me. Who are all those cunts and why are they so thirsty? There must be someone that has passed by their way, why haven't they acted upon it? Are they lazy? Are they stupid? It just does not make sense. |
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| 07/04/2011 - 15:49 by Anonymous |
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| 07/04/2011 - 14:58 by Anonymous boys banished! just lots of lovely cunts everywhere, all for me. |
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| 07/04/2011 - 12:08 by Anonymous More editing - want to get rid of everything and start again. |
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| 07/04/2011 - 12:02 by Anonymous I want this to be more matter-of-fact, more straightforward language. |
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| 05/04/2011 - 11:20 by Anonymous I'm interested in metaphor and analogy, particularly here the way genital inuendo is used. I would be love to see how others use inuendo in its widest sense within the story. |
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| 05/04/2011 - 00:46 by Anonymous emitting some commas and arched backs and chevaliers and landscapes |
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| 03/04/2011 - 12:28 by Anonymous I thought I would be really respectful of the last revision.
And then, at the same time, I'm being as ruthless as an editor with a red pen in an office full of hacks laying their offerings down at the journalistic altar.
I'm being like my dad, who always crossed out and amended and corrected, because he knew best just how a text should be
A little grammatical tweak, a few excisions, some spelling changes, some formatting, some insertions.
Faithful to you, author of the last Revision, and completely arrogant as well.
love |
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| 02/04/2011 - 09:50 by Anonymous Actually photocopier is hotter |
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| 02/04/2011 - 09:49 by Anonymous Xerox is a proper noun spelled with an X not a z |
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| 31/03/2011 - 12:25 by Anonymous added a paragraph in the hope that this will start changing! help! |
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| 30/03/2011 - 18:54 by Anonymous it feels like lots of things need to be changed, but i feel attached to them. Damn attachment. Could anyone else do it please? |
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| 28/03/2011 - 11:44 by Anonymous Took out some of the swearing. Made the 'daydream' idea a bit more subtle. Took out the allusion to the man 'not caring'. Wanted to make it into a kinky but loving relationship. Still not totally happy with it; flowery language needs toning down. |
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| 27/03/2011 - 12:55 by Anonymous sad ending, less description, more passion? |
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| 25/03/2011 - 17:33 by Anonymous Changed it into first-person, from a story to a train of thought. Thinking about it is hotter than doing it. |
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| 25/03/2011 - 14:23 by Anonymous some sentimental blah blah always necessary |
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| 24/03/2011 - 12:05 by Anonymous just little details, constant theme: swearing turns me on, so much I cannot deal with, I cannot stop swearing |
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| 23/03/2011 - 19:08 by Anonymous a storm of swearing punctuated by tender phrases by the man directions
the idea that the characters can hear the stage directions or the narrative
stereotype: hysterical woman, the womb, the woman which must be healed by the man |
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| 23/03/2011 - 18:18 by Anonymous spontaneously commented on changes in an aggressive manner, which I find particularly enjoyable at times |
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| 23/03/2011 - 12:52 by Anonymous The grammar has been altered but the sequence of the letters and words remain. Only now I am in receipt of Julie's passion. |
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| 22/03/2011 - 18:44 by Anonymous I didn't like all the fragility and vanilla dullness characterising the story so far. So I made significant changes, but it became necessary, and a kind of game, to keep some of the features of the text that were there when I found it. You'll notice what remains, and how forced it sometimes seems (at least, to the complicit!). I didn't spend long on it, but the Mills and Boon ideology had to go: it seemed even to have been accentuated by editors since version#1!
Well, I wanted to introduce a bit of kink, and as I went along I also improvised a bit of self-conscious 'queer' (it's Nic in the dress, and so on). I was interested in Nic's pleasure and Nic's desire, as much as in Julie's. It's hotter for me this way. Hope the slightly freer style of the prose works for people. |
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| 21/03/2011 - 21:00 by Anonymous made it more simple, so that there is more flow, shorter sentences
removed some of the very descriptive parts |
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