| 22/05/2011 - 19:59 by Anonymous I felt unfullfilled by a lack of description of concrete, sensual interaction between the characters, and enjoyed the idea of adding some ´internal´ transcendental´ sensuous experience to highten the intensity and contrast with the exciting urban physical environment.
The more senses activated and the higher the cumulative intensity and purity of experience the better! |
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| current revision |
| 22/05/2011 - 19:18 by Anonymous |
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| 22/05/2011 - 18:21 by Anonymous Whilst at first didn't enjoy the added last line, having dwelt on it, I appreciate the rawness of it. Changed the numeral to characters, to augment the strikingness.
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| 22/05/2011 - 18:04 by Anonymous |
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| 22/05/2011 - 16:04 by Anonymous |
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| 22/05/2011 - 16:01 by Anonymous |
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| 22/05/2011 - 13:40 by Anonymous |
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| 22/05/2011 - 13:38 by Anonymous a few typos + gratitude to the reader + metaphor of the sea. |
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| 20/05/2011 - 17:17 by Anonymous |
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| 20/05/2011 - 01:23 by Anonymous I love this!!!!!
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| 20/05/2011 - 00:27 by Anonymous |
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| 20/05/2011 - 00:09 by Anonymous |
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| 19/05/2011 - 23:08 by Anonymous |
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| 19/05/2011 - 23:04 by Anonymous |
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| 19/05/2011 - 22:55 by Anonymous fixed typo |
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| 19/05/2011 - 22:53 by Anonymous |
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| 19/05/2011 - 14:29 by Anonymous |
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| 19/05/2011 - 13:41 by Anonymous Deleted last sentence - felt it broke the poetic and lyrical style of the previous passages! |
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| 19/05/2011 - 09:54 by Anonymous Didn't like the sexist gangsta rap style, but seemed unsporting to take it out entirely. So I tried to appropriate it, see where it might take me. |
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| 18/05/2011 - 19:21 by Anonymous |
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| 18/05/2011 - 14:15 by Anonymous |
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| 18/05/2011 - 13:06 by Anonymous |
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| 18/05/2011 - 11:17 by Anonymous added into feel the space between head and fingers... |
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| 17/05/2011 - 19:01 by Anonymous |
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| 17/05/2011 - 18:59 by Anonymous |
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| 17/05/2011 - 17:18 by Anonymous |
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| 17/05/2011 - 16:59 by Anonymous |
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| 17/05/2011 - 15:33 by Anonymous |
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| 16/05/2011 - 18:36 by Anonymous minor edits for fun. spot the abba reference. |
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| 16/05/2011 - 16:46 by Anonymous |
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| 16/05/2011 - 15:48 by Anonymous |
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| 16/05/2011 - 15:10 by Anonymous |
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| 16/05/2011 - 14:42 by Anonymous |
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| 16/05/2011 - 13:28 by Anonymous |
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| 16/05/2011 - 09:30 by Anonymous Kept the threesome and surreal innuendo, but changed 'her' back to 'him' again. |
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| 15/05/2011 - 14:38 by Anonymous |
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| 15/05/2011 - 12:27 by Anonymous Revising he to she for the object of the narrators attraction. Leaving all else unchanged - except 'rough face' changed to 'soft face' to also reflect the gender change. |
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| 14/05/2011 - 21:41 by radicalx Basically cutting out unnecessary parts. Love the surreal turn this story has taken... |
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| 14/05/2011 - 18:28 by Anonymous |
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| 14/05/2011 - 17:36 by Anonymous |
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| 14/05/2011 - 16:11 by Anonymous |
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| 14/05/2011 - 16:09 by Anonymous |
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| 14/05/2011 - 13:43 by Anonymous |
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| 14/05/2011 - 09:39 by Anonymous Took out the rubbish added by drunken students. Gah. |
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| 14/05/2011 - 00:16 by Anonymous |
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| 13/05/2011 - 21:19 by Anonymous I am downstairs with maddy mcgann
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| 13/05/2011 - 20:24 by Anonymous |
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| 13/05/2011 - 20:16 by Anonymous |
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| 13/05/2011 - 19:58 by Anonymous |
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| 13/05/2011 - 19:42 by Anonymous |
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