sex-positive, activist art
The revisions let you track differences between multiple versions of a post.
provide an opening for some sort of continuation, why is he asking about he time? what he has in his mind? has he planned something?
living doll concept: gradually introducing kinky behaviour and role play into mainstream storyline
more details about shoulders shaking, fingers typing - more lustful, vulgar
deleted too descriptive bits
more direct tone
placed the action indoors
changed the genders again as it was slightly confusing
made the female character more self-assured and decisive
Basically, I turned "him" into "her". In my opinion, now, it's hotter...
Double quotes for speech in first sentence
Made the lovers more casual acquaintances; more lustful - removed the comedy innuendos used by longer term partners.
Added some dynamism to the story. Characters and situations were, to my taste, excessively serious for lovebirds; got rid of Angela Carter, added a touch of humour. Changed the setting.
The first version of Open Sauce - please edit
Read about the Open Sauce project and how you can contribute >>
Facilitated and designed by nor. Site made with Drupal, using 960 Robots theme.