Revisions for Open Sauce

The revisions let you track differences between multiple versions of a post.

Revision Operations
22/05/2011 - 19:59 by Anonymous

I felt unfullfilled by a lack of description of concrete, sensual interaction between the characters, and enjoyed the idea of adding some ´internal´ transcendental´ sensuous experience to highten the intensity and contrast with the exciting urban physical environment. The more senses activated and the higher the cumulative intensity and purity of experience the better!

current revision
22/05/2011 - 19:18 by Anonymous
22/05/2011 - 18:21 by Anonymous

Whilst at first didn't enjoy the added last line, having dwelt on it, I appreciate the rawness of it. Changed the numeral to characters, to augment the strikingness.

22/05/2011 - 18:04 by Anonymous
22/05/2011 - 16:04 by Anonymous
22/05/2011 - 16:01 by Anonymous
22/05/2011 - 13:40 by Anonymous
22/05/2011 - 13:38 by Anonymous

a few typos + gratitude to the reader + metaphor of the sea.

20/05/2011 - 17:17 by Anonymous
20/05/2011 - 01:23 by Anonymous

I love this!!!!!

20/05/2011 - 00:27 by Anonymous
20/05/2011 - 00:09 by Anonymous
19/05/2011 - 23:08 by Anonymous
19/05/2011 - 23:04 by Anonymous
19/05/2011 - 22:55 by Anonymous

fixed typo

19/05/2011 - 22:53 by Anonymous
19/05/2011 - 14:29 by Anonymous
19/05/2011 - 13:41 by Anonymous

Deleted last sentence - felt it broke the poetic and lyrical style of the previous passages!

19/05/2011 - 09:54 by Anonymous

Didn't like the sexist gangsta rap style, but seemed unsporting to take it out entirely. So I tried to appropriate it, see where it might take me.

18/05/2011 - 19:21 by Anonymous
18/05/2011 - 14:15 by Anonymous
18/05/2011 - 13:06 by Anonymous
18/05/2011 - 11:17 by Anonymous

added into feel the space between head and fingers...

17/05/2011 - 19:01 by Anonymous
17/05/2011 - 18:59 by Anonymous
17/05/2011 - 17:18 by Anonymous
17/05/2011 - 16:59 by Anonymous
17/05/2011 - 15:33 by Anonymous
16/05/2011 - 18:36 by Anonymous

minor edits for fun. spot the abba reference.

16/05/2011 - 16:46 by Anonymous
16/05/2011 - 15:48 by Anonymous
16/05/2011 - 15:10 by Anonymous
16/05/2011 - 14:42 by Anonymous
16/05/2011 - 13:28 by Anonymous
16/05/2011 - 09:30 by Anonymous

Kept the threesome and surreal innuendo, but changed 'her' back to 'him' again.

15/05/2011 - 14:38 by Anonymous
15/05/2011 - 12:27 by Anonymous

Revising he to she for the object of the narrators attraction. Leaving all else unchanged - except 'rough face' changed to 'soft face' to also reflect the gender change.

14/05/2011 - 21:41 by radicalx

Basically cutting out unnecessary parts. Love the surreal turn this story has taken...

14/05/2011 - 18:28 by Anonymous
14/05/2011 - 17:36 by Anonymous
14/05/2011 - 16:11 by Anonymous
14/05/2011 - 16:09 by Anonymous
14/05/2011 - 13:43 by Anonymous
14/05/2011 - 09:39 by Anonymous

Took out the rubbish added by drunken students. Gah.

14/05/2011 - 00:16 by Anonymous
13/05/2011 - 21:19 by Anonymous

I am downstairs with maddy mcgann

13/05/2011 - 20:24 by Anonymous
13/05/2011 - 20:16 by Anonymous
13/05/2011 - 19:58 by Anonymous
13/05/2011 - 19:42 by Anonymous